So College, Right?

NOTE: This post contains naughty words that I felt were necessary to describe my mindset at the time. I usually like expressing emotions in a more sophisticated manner but shut up, it's my blog.

I cannot fully express how different my life would be if I had stayed in college. That said, let's start at the beginning rather than the end.

I'm half Mexican (or whatever stupid, politically correct term you'd like to use) and did really well on my ACT so I got a few scholarship offers from various universities. While I should have picked a school I truly wanted to go to (one of those expensive, silly, private schools in the oh so cool northwest), I couldn't pass up a nearly full-ride scholarship from a school in Arizona that shall remain unnamed. So there I was in Arizona in the summer of 2011. The summer. In Arizona. Have I mentioned that I make fabulous life choices? It took me a while to realize that I'd made a mistake by going there but when I did, everything got shitty very quickly.

Like I wrote in my last post, I'm a really shy person. I don't just stutter and avoid eye contact when dealing with people; I turn an unhealthy shade of red, mumble so badly that no one can tell what I'm saying, and do my best to avoid every single human being that I can afford to. The only people I talked to on a regular basis were a really nice janitor and the people serving food at the small student union across the street*. Here was my basic schedule:

Any time from 8-10:30 : Get a bagel across the street
11-3ish maybe : Go to class
3:30 : Weird late lunch
4-2am : Maybe do homework and definitely avoid everyone.

Like most awkward teens/barely adults that can't deal with real life, I took to the internet. So began the demise of my mental health and thus my grades.

I'm not particularly brilliant but I always did well in school. But rather than notice that I wasn't doing well and work hard to fix it, I broke down and gave up. (Keep in mind that this is the cautionary tale. Don't be like this. Bad. Don't.) I didn't understand concepts in class and I was afraid to talking to the teachers so my grades kept slipping and I eventually stopped going to my biology class. I rarely left my room and I was absolutely miserable.

I'll continue/finish this pity party next post. I'm thinking about adding crappy drawings or something to my posts. I'm sure most people don't want to read long posts about sad sacks but once I get these out of the way I'll talk about fun things and feels-y things and if I ever get a solid reader base I'll answer questions in a comical manner! I can be funny, I swear. I just like talking about myself.

Love and cookies, Ixi

*I don't care what anyone says, that food was GREAT. And I felt like I was cheating because it was all on my meal plan. I frequently ordered cheeseburgers with pepper jack cheese and fries. Greasy, greasy fries.